Blogger · Love · Trust

Stuck firm in hippo time

I recently finished reading a fantastic book called SUMO, which I highly recommend to everyone. The focus is on how to ‘shut up and move on’ which is of great benefit in both personal and professional situations.

Within it he describes how we all have period of ‘hippo time’ in our lives where it is ok and acceptable to wallow, it’s all part of the process of accepting what has happened, which is needed before you are able to forget about it, and move on.

I am stuck in Hippo time because of Him and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get out.

I have several theories why this is the case:

  • I still can’t actually believe anyone would behave as badly as he did to someone they still spent all their time with
  • I still can’t believe he cheated continuously
  • I still can’t believe how much he lied and manipulated me
  • I can’t understand why, when so many opportunities arose to break the cycle, he CHOSE to keep lying and cheating. Again and again.
  • I still can’t believe that none of the reasons we broke up were the actual reason we broke up ( he even said to me that day ‘there has never been anyone but you and I will love you forever’)
  • He blamed ME for his anxiety and depression – when it was his lies and behaviour that caused it
  • I still can’t believe that even after he had broken my heart, he STILL needed to lie and manipulate me ( thus wasting another 6 months of my life)
  • I still can’t believe how many times he said to me ‘you are ruining our relationship because you don’t trust me’ when he was lying and I WAS RIGHT
  • I still can’t believe he hasn’t even attempted an apology to my face ( everyone else got one)
  • I still can’t believe he doesn’t understand what he has done – this should consume him like it does me and I know it doesn’t ( how does he sleep at night!?)
  • I still can’t believe she has gone back to him and made him think that behaving like that to people is ok

I cannot believe that I didn’t know him at all. I gave him everything. Every support, every bit of time and effort, I gave him confidence and love. He took it all, and used me and lied to me.

I am so bored of going on about this, and I don’t blame you if you are bored of hearing it. But I write here what I need to get out. I have good days and bad days. I guess today is a bad one.

But he is moving on, with his girlfriend and appears to have no remorse or regret of what he did to me.

When essentially my family and my circumstances are ruined forever because I made choices for him when he wasn’t giving me all of the information I needed to make them in an informed way.

He has walked off, it must be so nice for him now. No more lies, what a relief he must feel! He isn’t alone ( his biggest fear) He got everything he wanted.

Whereas, I will have to live with reminders of this every single day.

Every single day.

That doesn’t seem even a bit fair, does it?

That’s why I am stuck. At the moment, I can’t see a way out despite trying so hard every day.

I’m so bored.

But I don’t know what I can do now to park it and start moving forwards again.

One thought on “Stuck firm in hippo time

  1. Well i should have been asleep for midnight but decided to read and comment on this blog and the prevoius one instead lol. I hate the feeling of being stuck and i think being able to move on is based on how each individual is feeling based on what they have been through! I could be wrong but i think yours is based on the fact that you had an affair giving up everything only for it to be thrown in your face by the person you did it for! I think yours is a combination of guilt, self pity and humiliation! You need to let it go! So you made a mistake! You ruined something that maybe gave you security but whatever you had wasn’t strong enough to make you question yourself beforehand! There is no point missing what you don’t have any more because well you could have kept by not crossing the line and it wasn’t enough! And so what else some fool managed to pull the wool over your eyes because you fell for him making you vulnerable, but you will have the last laugh when you meet somebody who loves you back and makes you feel just as amazing as you do them and yet he will never experience what that feels like to have that because he can’t be the kind of person you need to be in order to have that experience! You have to stop asking yourself the same questions you ask yourself everyday. It doesn’t matter now because that was yesterday…..you need to be thinking about tomorrow. Sry for going on. I just feel so passionate about what your saying and reflect from the emotions you write with. Thanks for sharing x

    Liked by 1 person

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