I apologise again for my continued absence. I am finding it hard to write, or to sleep or to do anything really. (Typically – I can eat though and drink wine, much to the detriment of my waistline – I wish I used stress to get thin like any normal person)
I spend so much of everyday answering questions and talking about all the things that are going on at the moment it’s hard to also want to write them down. Everything here is kept forever ( unless you delete it obviously) and I love reading back my previous blog posts and remembering where I was at the time and marvelling about all the things that have changed since then. All the things I have learned and all the things I thought were such a big deal, but turned out to be really insignificant.
But a phrase I hear myself say all the time is this…..
“just because it is going to be different, doesn’t mean that it isn’t going to be better”
I think we are all guilty of viewing change as meaning that things are never going to be the same again, – ie. they are going to be worse. I certainly initially felt like my life was going to be over. All the lovely lifestyle perks I have enjoyed will be gone forever. That was it. I am 33 years old and the best bit of my life is already over
But we all know this isn’t the case!!
Because in fact, recently all the stuff and the social pressure to be something I’m not and all the expectation and everything really has been too much. I’ll have less stuff, yes. I will have a smaller home, yes. But I will get to chose who I share it all with. I will get to wake up everyday safe in the knowledge I can be me, just plain old me without any pretence and without any judgement ( I hope )
This middle bit truly sucks, but eventually it will be over and the future will be all mine to shape however I want.
I’ll continue to look for that long lasting love, the one I always write. It might already be here and that would be nice. But I will no longer fear being alone.
Because yeah it’s going to be a whole host of different.
But it is also going to be better.