Have you ever wanted something for a really long time because you think that it will solve all your problems but then when it happens there is no time to be relieved because actually the reality of it is utterly terrifying?
It reminds me of the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’
It is so much easier to reflect on your life and build up a hypothetical version of it than to actually accept it in all it’s glory when it actually happens. We never look at the downsides do we? We see the romantic version of our lives and ourselves with ease in these situations. I am not entirely sure why ?
For me, as you know I’ve been feeling trapped and confused for a really long time. The price to pay for my new found freedom is a total lifestyle overhaul.
I am going to be independent and self sufficient and I am hopeful that these things will make me feel alive again.
The relief will come eventually, it will start with a massive declutter, out with the old stuff that has been dragging me down. In with light and airy and organised.
But the interim feeling is loss and the occasional bout of despair. I know deep down this is only because I find it hard to let go. I have so much to look forward to, I know that. I will focus on the positives. I can make it through. I’ll find the right way. I will focus on the love I take with me rather than the love that is lost.
One day I will sink down on an unfamiliar sofa in an unfamiliar house with the important familiar people and I will feel relieved. I’ll be safe in the knowledge I am much braver than I ever thought I was.