Ever begged someone not to go and they went anyway?
I don’t mean forever, just for the evening or for a trip or for a break. But somewhere you wanted to go with them too, or you just didn’t want to be without them for an extended period of time.
I did. He went anyway, I knew he would. He absolutely should have too, I don’t blame him. Was it worth it for him? I don’t know. It was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime. But it ended up challenging. It was hard as hell for me.
I didn’t enjoy the photographs, or the social media. I could barely cope with the panic calls or the need for support, how did I not shout ” you chose to go, you deal with it”? I wanted him home. I had never felt such exclusion or so far away from part of him. Did I ever stop supporting him? no. Did I ever ask him to come home? no. Did I support his dreams and aspirations regardless of how I felt? yes.
And still, he won’t choose me. Can’t choose me. I’m running out of ideas to make it happen.
I’ll just have to wait, but the decision will never be timely enough.