When we think about our past relationships are we actually remembering the real thing? Are we basing all expectations of future relationships on a relationship that actually wasn’t at all like what our mind has let us remember?
I have recently had some communication with the love without fear guy. ( Check out my post entitled Love. ) There has been some reminiscing about us and I have been taken back by the differences in the way we remember it.
Now I should start by telling you, I was totally and utterly besotted. I approached him and It always felt like I made all the effort at the start. But he recalls it totally differently. He thinks he pursued me. He said he was smitten. He says it was all him.
I remember our relationship as easy and plain sailing and utterly wonderful . I was so swept up in him and love. He changed the course of my entire life in that 2 years. He says that we clashed and it was tricky but worth it. We were young, it was long distance. We both agree we did good.
But the thing that has surprised me beyond anything is, He doesn’t remember the end. I remember every single word of that phone call. I remember how much it hurt. I remember thinking I would never be the same again ( I was right) . It took me almost forever to get over it. But he doesn’t remember it at all. Is this just our brains way of dealing with it? He said that I was on the way to the same decision. I assured him, I was not. Was this he justification mechanism? Is this how he got over it?
Though this was all hard, it was all a lifetime ago. He definitely set the bar high. It took a long time for anyone to even come close for me and apparently I am a hard act to follow ( he is currently single ).
In a way, I feel relieved – it’s like I have been such a harsh critic of all relationships since because I remember that one to be so perfect.
It wasn’t. It was just like all the others. It was real and hard at times. It didn’t work out. I survived. All these years I have viewed it so rose-tinted. But it’s done now. The record has finally been set straight.