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Next please! ( Love replacements)

I have been reading so many blogs lately ( my favourite tag is ‘love’ not surprisingly) but it seems like the majority of these posts are heartbreak or sad posts. They tell stories of betrayal and loss of trust and of relationships that appear so very disposable at the first hints of trouble – it this really how it is out there?

Are we all just in the relationships we are now until one of us finds a replacement? Are we settled just now but still thinking that there might be something better, or different or more exciting out there for us?

In my own relationships I have definitely at times, considered myself to be a ‘placeholder’, I am a carer and a supporter, I spend my time building people up, making them see things, changing their perspectives and loving them absolutely. But a bit of me gets thinking …… one day soon they will meet someone better. Someone, younger, thinner, prettier, more intelligent, more cool, funnier, just better. Then I will be replaced. And I wont blame them because I know they can do so much better than me, I am totally replaceable and I have to accept it.

Is this where we have got to? Now that the term ‘life partner’ doesn’t seem to be the norm, do we ever stop looking for the perfect partner? Do we move on to new partners just to test the water? Because  surely we never know what it would actually b e like in a relationship until you are in it, and isn’t that better than not knowing at all? Could it be that actually, the right one was one of the first ones but we didn’t know it at the time? or maybe we did, but it seems too optimistic to think that out of all the people in all the world we have found the perfect one without hardly even trying at the start of our dating lives?

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if my fate had kept me with, or taken me back to that very first true love. The love without fear ( have a look at an earlier post of mine ‘Love.’) Would I have known then whether or not it was right? would I have continued to feel replaceable even without the fear that first heartbreak installs?

Do we ever, truly, 100 % completely stop looking for possible Love replacements?

I hope so. I really do.

5 thoughts on “Next please! ( Love replacements)

  1. Have you read Modern Love by Aziz Ansari? It’s really great and an easy read but your post reminded me of a part of the book where he talks about how today people’s options are endless so they never stop looking. The whole world is at our fingertips and we’re so used to researching stuff online to get the best of the best and when it comes to relationships we’re the same, always worried we’re missing out on a soulmate.

    You should definitely give it a read, it’s really interesting; full of stuff that will make you think.

    Also, just funny:

    “I see people my age getting married to people they’ve known for like a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the REST of your life with them? I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like ‘What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?’”

    I’ve been with Scrubs for more than a year and a half and I definitely don’t look anywhere. I’m happy. If anything I worry about odd things blindsiding us. I don’t think either of us look for a replacement. I don’t worry about that. I have PLENTY of my own worries but that’s not one of them. I mean, now that I’m thinking about it it’s scary and I’m starting to worry that I don’t worry about it….. Oh no! The worry spiral!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m with you–hopeful that the search for “love replacements” is a phase we outgrow. When I got married, I was taking a gamble that our lives together would be “happy enough” and that the reward of growing old together with someone, having a lifetime of shared memories, would outweigh the possibility of someone younger-thinner-richer-whatever. I don’t know if there’s a clear answer…

    Liked by 1 person

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