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It’s obvious – He is just not that into you

It was a moderately bad film, I watched in on a rainy day on the Gold Coast of Australia. But I do think they were onto something! More and more lately I have heard about people trying to salvage or force relationships with people  when it is obvious that they are just not into it. Are we just so desperate for love and affection that we will ignore ALL the warning signs and still be optimistic?

A friend of mine met this guy and she was really keen, she had sent him like 4 messages over a week  asking him about meeting up. He did not reply. NOT ONE SINGLE REPLY. Yet there she is asking what she should do next to make him respond? I’m like, hey lady, [shouts] ” he is just not that into you!” Why oh why are nice people wasting their time obviously barking up the completely wrong tree?

The trouble with me is, I think I have been like this a bit myself, especially in my younger days. Dare I say it, it’s the challenge? I think there are just some people who like to think that they can win over these ‘non responders’ because if you do actually manage it – I bet the feeling is quite satisfying. However, I would never just go silent on someone, I fail to see the point in that. If it isn’t working for you then you should just say that, cut ties and move on. Silence is a weapon and it can be very hurtful indeed in my experience.

Even if you do manage to eventually get a response out of these people it inevitably leads on to is the one sided relationship.  I can tell you, I have had many, many of these. When you say all the nice things and they never say them back, when you  make all the effort for the meet ups and you are lucky if they even show up, when you text them and they never reply. When we know we are completely wasting our time, tell me. Why on earth do we do it?

Have you ever been in this situation? Why did you keep on trying? In my experience, you can’t force someone to adore you. And even if you do, who wants to be with a person who had to be talked into having any feelings for you?  We all absolutely deserve more that that.

17 thoughts on “It’s obvious – He is just not that into you

  1. Very nice! I can relate, in my youth I made this mistake many times, as did my girlfriends. In our minds there was a belief that we could compensate for what our “partner” lacked… We were too young and blind to understand what is clear now, “he’s not into you.” Worse, is that we think that by somehow replaying the details we can change the outcome, like our girlfriend conversations have the power to influence his interest.. Come on ladies lol- they just weren’t into us. 😝didn’t care too much for the movie but the book was an eye opener to my naive mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just chanced upon your blog and love your take on life’s teething problems. I actually quite enjoyed the movie and thought there can still be some redeeming features of an unbalanced relationship (e.g. it can be a great confidence boost when someone ordinarily out of your league finally takes a shine to you after years of chasing)…

    I love the wide range of topics here and would love to hear from you. Will follow for sure! ^_^

    It would be awesome if you can pop by my site, too? Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was very naïve and quite inexperienced when i was faced with this. I agree when you say,’Silence is a weapon and it can be very hurtful’
    I think not many people have the courage to speak how they feel,and that’s the problem. With us,we always seem to think we can accommodate them even more as they ignore us. But the simple truth is we have gone out of our ways to see where our patience could be stretched and we are alive…we have experienced what they wouldn’t ever know! So its a plus to us…a minus for them.
    Check out my piece too …xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Silence is a weapon and it can be very hurtful indeed in my experience.” I had a similar conversation not too long ago. Why not just be upfront with a person about what you feel or don’t feel? I think this has a lot to do with the new way of dating (if we can even call it that). You swipe left, you swipe right and there is instant gratification. It’s so much less personable that I don’t think people even take the time to consider how their lack of response or communication really affects someone. After all, they never actually have to see the hurt on person’s face.

    Liked by 1 person

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