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Treading water in the sea of life 

I’m always completely out of my Depth, that’s the first thing you should know about me.

I feel like i should write a bit more of an introduction and am hopeful that you will comment and introduce yourselves too.

Firstly, I apologise because this will always be an anonymous blog. There is only one person I know (in real life) who knows about and and reads occasionally and that is because I need it to stay being my safe place. It’s not that I’m scared of others knowing me and how i feel, it’s more that I just want to keep it real, I never want to hold back. I want transparancy, I want truth. That’s what I think you should have in a real life blog.

I’m in my 30’s and I run around all day being a full time working mum of two. It’s busy. It’s complicated, sometimes it is utterly wonderful and other times it sucks. But it’s my reality and you can’t argue with that. I spend most of my thinking time wondering who I actually am. For a while I didn’t know even what clothes I liked, I didn’t know what I enjoyed and I didn’t know what made me happy. Some of that is still true. I do an excellent impression of someone that has it all worked out though, but lately that is where I have felt out of my depth. Because I think you can only put on a front for a certain amount of time before it gets so entirely overwhelming and exhausting that you just want to give up completely.

I think it started with the big grown up house. We moved in and all of a sudden I felt like I had to be a particular type of person, dress in a particular way, behave like an adult and frankly I’m not sure I am one yet – I certainly don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and to me, that’s a fundamental part of what makes you grown up. That and coffee, but I think I have mentioned that before!

So instead of sinking in a sea of life that I can’t touch the floor in, I headed here. I write blogs to process. I read blogs to relax, I comment and ‘like’ to support. We’ll all find a life within our chosen parameters eventually – but we might have to tread water for a while in the meantime!

( I have been so thrilled by all your comments, likes and lovely follows – thank you)

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8 thoughts on “Treading water in the sea of life 

  1. I’m trying to remember my 30s. I know I was there. Wife, two kids, house, grad school, full time job. Then the alcohol. The mess. Maybe barely keeping above water. Pneumonia. One good thing: I stopped smoking. That was good. I wasn’t sure where I was going in the career. Looking, always searching for the perfect place. There was not perfect place. How can I look back now, at 75, to tell you the right words? Your blog is perfect for the search. I journaled.do journal. That sea of life. Ah, isn’t that Stevie Nicks? Life? It’s complicated. Hope and enjoy.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can definitely relate to the anonymity except the only person who knows I have a blog hasn’t read it because I’m not ready for anyone I know to see it. For the purposes of complete honesty and writing about the hard things, I don’t want anyone I know to find it. I’m looking forward to reading about your journey. Sometimes I feel like I’m too immature and don’t have it together but reading this made happy to realize that no one does. Especially in our social media age that’s designed to make our lives look better than they are it’s great to come across an honest and open blog. Perfect people are really boring. Don’t be afraid to be gritty and real.

    https://onlyindreamssite.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really like your perspective. I can relate though I have told my friends and family about my blog, I don’t put my real name on it, because that would be just a little too real. I feel a lot safer as Magnolia, I can share my feelings more freely. I feel like I can really be myself, and at the same time be anonymous. I haven’t fully grown up either, though I think I finally know what I want to do with my life, and that is to write! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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