I’m always completely out of my Depth, that’s the first thing you should know about me.
I feel like i should write a bit more of an introduction and am hopeful that you will comment and introduce yourselves too.
Firstly, I apologise because this will always be an anonymous blog. There is only one person I know (in real life) who knows about and and reads occasionally and that is because I need it to stay being my safe place. It’s not that I’m scared of others knowing me and how i feel, it’s more that I just want to keep it real, I never want to hold back. I want transparancy, I want truth. That’s what I think you should have in a real life blog.
I’m in my 30’s and I run around all day being a full time working mum of two. It’s busy. It’s complicated, sometimes it is utterly wonderful and other times it sucks. But it’s my reality and you can’t argue with that. I spend most of my thinking time wondering who I actually am. For a while I didn’t know even what clothes I liked, I didn’t know what I enjoyed and I didn’t know what made me happy. Some of that is still true. I do an excellent impression of someone that has it all worked out though, but lately that is where I have felt out of my depth. Because I think you can only put on a front for a certain amount of time before it gets so entirely overwhelming and exhausting that you just want to give up completely.
I think it started with the big grown up house. We moved in and all of a sudden I felt like I had to be a particular type of person, dress in a particular way, behave like an adult and frankly I’m not sure I am one yet – I certainly don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and to me, that’s a fundamental part of what makes you grown up. That and coffee, but I think I have mentioned that before!
So instead of sinking in a sea of life that I can’t touch the floor in, I headed here. I write blogs to process. I read blogs to relax, I comment and ‘like’ to support. We’ll all find a life within our chosen parameters eventually – but we might have to tread water for a while in the meantime!
( I have been so thrilled by all your comments, likes and lovely follows – thank you)