I’m going to tell you more about me today. And my life. And the fear that brought me here in the first place.
It occurred to me that is the reason I write this blog, the reason I explain things and explore things here that I am too scared to do in real life. Its because I’m suffering from an insane case of life cowardice. It’s my safety net.
Sometimes I write things just because I’ve been part of a conversation and I am interested to explore the issue some more, I’m interested in gaining your perspectives ( it makes me happy when people comment with their point of view, their understanding – keep that up!) but other times I am trying to work things out because stuff is going on. Circumstances are confusing me and I just need to try and work it through. I wonder if it is obvious to you, which posts are which?
My home life if probably the middle class dream. But it’s still not enough for me. I crave independence and adventure and crazy passionate love and everything. I want all the things. I want to wake up everyday and be completely in awe of life and the happiness and exploration it brings. I want to learn things and know things and meet people and travel. I want to have relationships that matter. With people that respect me and who are open and honest and into me in an equal way that I am them.
But you see, I don’t feel like I can have all of that. I’m pretty stuck just now. So I write it all here, for you to read, for you to understand. To process. So i can indulge the dream. But what worries me is this: What if this is it? what if my cowardice is literally the only thing stopping me from finding all of the things i am looking for?