We talk about the dark moments of life, the darkness that surrounds challenges, misery and fear. What we don’t often talk about , well, really ever, is what it means to be in emotional darkness.
Now, i think there are two separate parts of this, two categories if you like. The first one is emotional darkness in the sense of feeling low, being lonely, being let down or sad or feeling disconnected. I think this happens to us all at some point. We’ve all loved and lost, we’ve all been subject to heartbreak and of upset. I think this, to a certain degree at least, is merely part of the process. You can’t possibly know what it is like to be truly happy without knowing what it is like to be plunged into the big emotional black whole of unrequited love or dismissal. We live and learn from this. Though it is pretty hellish at the time, these spells are merely snapshots within our lives, eventually we heal. Well most of us do anyway.
The second part, i think is by far a bigger issue. This is to be ‘in the emotional dark’. This is the same as being in the dark about anything. Essentially , things are happening, but we have absolutely no idea what they are, what they mean to us or how to maintain any level of control over the impact. This is when you are sharing your life with someone, or you might have met someone new. Everything is great. But for some reason you just can’t seem to figure out where they are. How they feel? What their emotions are telling them? Is their behaviour the only reflection of their emotional involvement that you have to go on? Is this enough? Do actions really speak louder than words?
We probably stop listening to our own emotions at some point around here. Because what is the point? I have talked previously about how i am an open book,and when i am in, i’m 100% in, but even i eventually get the stage where it seems pretty useless to be emotionally invested. That is when things change, and the big emotional black hole i talked about above begins to appear.
I was told not that long ago ‘ I love you, but i don’t like you at all’, it’s probably not the greatest thing for a conversation. But it brought me out of that particular emotional blackout and for the first time, in a long time. I could see the whole thing clearly.