It always amazes me how things in life can be so incredibly straight forward one minute and so insanely complex the next.
I feel like very occasionally, I know exactly where I am, and I feel comfortable and confident and happy there. But the moment I let myself relax everything changes again. I am thrown back to a state of confusion where I am exceptionally good at talking myself in an out of things there are for the most part, exaggerated by me, to hurt me.
It is usually circumstances fault. I don’t believe it is the people in them, just that life can be so changeable can’t it? Try as we may to hold on to all the good bits, they can only sustain us for a short period of the rocky or bad. Well, that is the case for me anyway.
I envy those people who can stay true and focused even when everything else seems to be fighting against it. I wish I had more confidence in things. I’d love to have a constant feel of security, so I am not always on the edge of fear and self doubt. But every time I build this up, a lie happens or trust disappears and I am back to the beginning. My head and my heart tell me it’s ok to trust in things, because generally it’s ok, it’s for me, it’s because people care.
It’s just sometimes, no ,matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to listen.