It occurred to me the other day that I spend a great deal of my life being a member of other people’s fan clubs. By this I mean that I see the best in these people, that I feel like they do interesting things, challenging things and I want to support them and secure them in their successes. Where I am a fan of people at work, I’ll back their ideas, proof read documents, generally support them and prop them up when things get tough. That feels like the natural thing to do, being a proactive member of the team . I like to think they would do the same for me, and I think in this environment, they do.
In my personal life I am a member of several fan clubs. I am the leader of one. I don’t know how this came to happen if I am honest. I just see what I see, I struggle to understand when other people don’t see it to. I am pretty vocal, I say what I think in most circumstances. If people are doing something great, or pushing themselves from their comfortable comfort zones then I like to boost their confidence, to give practical support. This can be on a range of topics too, my fellow parent friends, get support in the challenges of sleep deprivation, of development phases, of general ‘what happened to my life as I know it -ness’ this might be by sharing experiences or just to assurance that they are not alone. It could be about trying something new, or making changes – or anything really. I am not a expert, but I’ll always give an honest answer, and I will always stand by that.
To other people it’s a range of things. To the one I mentioned earlier, where I have somehow become the leader, I am sure that there are many, many other members but none that I have met. This happened just by my being honest. I saw what I saw and I gave an honest assessment of that. I have continued to do this, when asked for my opinion I say what I think, though it just so happens that it is rarely not complimentary.I know that the support I give here has made a difference in many aspects and that makes me happy but I have started to wonder why I can’t do the same for myself.
Because when it comes to me, I seem to only see the bad stuff. I see the time I haven’t spent with the small people, I see the small mistakes rather than the overall positive outcome. I see the crisis rather than the confidence, I see the loneliness rather than the friendship. Why is this? Why, when I can see so much good in others am I incapable of doing the same for myself?
Is there someone out there who leads my fan club? If there is, I haven’t been lucky enough to meet them yet.